After spending an evening listening to a choir perform last weekend I was reminded of all the lack of etiquette most people display during a live performance. Maybe I'm some sort of cultural snob (okay, I almost definitely am) but I'm always surprised that so few people have any clue as to appropriate behaviour in a live-performance setting. My parents pounded the rules into my head so I've compiled a list of:

12 Things you shouldn't do during a live concert performance

Why should I be the only one who has to follow the rules?

1. Show up 20 minutes late and climb over everyone to get to your centre seats
2. Wave to your friend in the choir as it files onto the stage. S/he is not going to wave back. S/he's kinda busy
3. Wear an all-nylon get-up so every time you shift position you swish louder than the orchestra can play
4. Pour a colony of African fire ants down your trousers before attending so that you must squirm constantly to keep the burning at bay
5. Run to the bathroom several times in the middle of the quiet pieces rather than waiting for the breaks between movements
6. Return from the above bathroom trips in the middle of pieces rather than waiting for the breaks between
7. Do pretty much anything during the middle of pieces rather than during the breaks between
8. Rustle the program looking for your friend's name in the list of performers while s/he is performing
9. Rustle the program constantly as you try to follow along with the translation text
10. Chug a quart of buttermilk before the performance so you've got a formidable build-up of phlegm to clear constantly from your throat
11. Kick the chair in front of you as you shift position every 2 minutes - most likely to keep the fire ants at bay
12. Dig through a bag of individually-wrapped candies to find your favourite flavour, noisily unwrap candy, repeat.