I submitted this version of the previous rant to the magazine Bust for their Independence Issue. They rejected it, but ya gotta start somewhere.

No Kidding - Take 2

At a recent wedding my husband Theo and I were seated with several couples around our age, 2 of which had 2 kids or more. The inevitable discussions took place - Where do you live? How long have you been married? 7 years! Don't you have any kids? No, we don't have kids. And no, we don't plan to have kids any time soon. Or more likely, ever. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against kids. I love my niece and the children of all my friends. They're fabulous and a whole bunch of fun. But I'm really happy to go home at the end of the day without any of my own.

When Theo and I were first married we constantly heard the refrain, "You'll change your minds," when we told inquiring minds that we didn't intend to procreate. 7 years later, those voices have mostly faded into the background, assisted by the birth of our niece and her imminent sibling. Family members weren't the only ones giving us a hard time, though. Strangers seemed affronted too. One even asked, "Well, why did you get married then?" Uh, love and commitment aren't good enough anymore?

I've just never wanted kids. I played with Barbies not baby dolls as a kid and despite the craze, I never wanted or owned a Cabbage Patch Doll (which apparently still smell like baby powder 20 years later. What the hell did they put in those things?). I always imagined getting married and spent hours planning out my elaborate, fairy-tale wedding, usually to Duran Duran bassist John Taylor. Kids never played a part in any of those fantasies. It was just me and John - 4 ever. It's like I didn't even know kids were on the menu.

At least once a week someone tells me that I really should have children, the sooner the better, but none of their arguments are strong enough to change my mind. The kids might not look after me when I'm old and there's a good chance I'll feel plenty fulfilled by having a great marriage and a rewarding career.

The only truly compelling argument I've heard is from a friend who said that she had such a terrific relationship with her mother that she wanted to share that with kids of her own. I could see her point and would love to have the kind of relationship I share with my mum with a grown-up child of my own. Unfortunately there's at least 18 years before that relationship could happen. It's the intervening years I'm worried about.

Is it selfish to not want to sacrifice so much of my life to create new people? Maybe. But I think it's more selfish for me to be pressured into procreating, then potentially resenting the child for taking away my freedom. And that is my biggest fear: That I would be miserable and resentful, and therefore, a bad mother. I would need to know that I was capable of making the necessary sacrifices without becoming bitter. I'm currently happy to sacrifice for the needs of Theo and our cats, but that's not nearly so full time. I'm just not convinced I could do it 24/7 for the next 20-60 years.

Sometimes I think seriously about whether there's something wrong with me that I don't feel that maternal drive. I'm a 30 year-old woman, and I feel like I should want to have kids but there's simply nothing in me that is drawn to the idea of raising children. Babies are cute, but they don't excite me the way they excite other women. To tell the truth, put me in a room with a baby and a cat, and I will always be drawn to the cat. C'mon! They're fluffy.

There's just too much stuff I still want to do before my time is up. I mean, how can I make a lifetime commitment to raising a child without ever having been to Europe? Plus, I'm too enamored of the independence that comes with being able to go out for dinner or a movie any time we want. We can head out the door at the drop of a hat without a minimum 20 minutes of child wrangling and a huge bag overflowing with the necessities. We can go away for a romantic weekend with no more babysitting hassle than asking our downstairs neighbour (a.k.a. my mum) to feed the cats twice a day.

I'm really awed by the women who have devoted themselves to motherhood. They're heroes in my book, but I love the life I have with Theo just the way it is. The two of us - 4 ever.