I'm 30!

I've been trying for several weeks to write something about turning 30 (on May 26, for those of you who forgot to send cards - tee hee) but didn't want to sound like a person who is still in actuality very young whining about how old she's getting.

That said, it is freaky. But I think in a good way.

Last year I was incredibly stressed about the concept of turning 30. It really seemed to signal the end of my days as a vibrant, sexy, young woman. I was pining for the days in my early 20's when everything seemed so effortless. I could go anywhere, do anything at a moment's notice because I was young and free. This year I realized all those fantasies were a load of crap.

When I think clearly back to the days of my early 20's I want to remember carefree days of fun and partying - going to clubs all the time, drinking too much and acting young and foolish. Instead the thing I remember most clearly is struggling desperately with finances. Theovis and I started dating when I was 21. We were both students with lousy part-time jobs, living at home, and when we moved in together each month was a huge juggling act to make sure the bills were paid and we had enough to eat. That struggle lasted years, through my Massage Therapy training, the bills from our wedding, plus the expenses of setting up my practice and moving forward with our lives. I don't miss that for a second.

At 30, our lives are significantly different. It's true that I don't stay out until all hours on weeknights, but we also know that we'll be able to cover our expenses each month, and live comfortably beyond that. I'm also in way better shape today than I was in my 20's, when I was studying all the time and stuffing my face while I stressed out over exams. If at any time I was sexy, I'd have to say now more than then.

I also appreciate the emotional maturity that has come with getting older. Things I used to think were so important just don't mean as much to me these days. Sure, dancing all night was a whole lot of fun, but evenings like the one I'm currently spending, sitting with my sweetie while we both work on our projects feel much more fulfilling. I really enjoy knowing where I am in my life and gradually learning more about who I am.

I never could have pulled that off at 21.