Self-Improvement (a.k.a. the Sucker's Game)

Why is it considered to be such a great thing to better oneself? What is the problem with simply living with our various flaws, weaknesses and screwy ideas, and rearranging our lives to accommodate them? The publishing business makes a mint each year on books that plumb the depths of our various human inadequacies - or at least our fears of those potential inadequacies. I, for one, think it should be stopped.

Okay, maybe I don't think it should be stopped. People should have the right to try to reach a higher plane of awareness and being - I suppose even if it means makes some huckster like Steven Covey a very rich man (gods, I hate that guy!). I just don't appreciate the overall social idea that constantly bettering oneself is, well, better.

Influenced by the madness that seems to stand in for prevailing wisdom, this year I decided to do all sorts of things that challenge me. You know, try to overcome some fears by facing them head on. I think I was all inspired by the weight loss and was feeling invincible so, after the debacle that was my audition for a musical, I figured it would be a good time to take on a role in my professional life that completely freaked me out. In many instances, this can be a good thing to train a person to get through situations like public speaking, but there comes a point when it goes too far. In my case, 2 months into my 2-year term of being President of the Massage Therapists' Association of BC, I was completely miserable.

What was I thinking? Am I drunk on endorphins from too much working out?

Thankfully, and going against the well-bred dedication to a job you've committed yourself to (even if you don't like it) by my parents, I was able to step down and the Vice-Pres has taken over. You can't even imagine how much better I feel. When I made a list of pros and cons, trying to decide if I should tough it out, I came up with a huge list of cons, including "I hate everything about this job". My pros list was much shorter. The only thing I could find to like about the job was not letting the Vice-President down - she's a maternal figure, what can I say? Mustn't. Disappoint. Parental. Figures.

Once I realized that I wouldn't even do the job if they paid me - yeah, kids, this was a volunteer position that was sucking my soul - I knew I had to get out of there for sure. I tried. I failed. No biggie. After all, I can't be everything to everyone.

Hang on. Did I just learn a lesson after all? Ooh, those self-help gurus are pretty sneaky...