Leave 'em at Home

I've never understood the charm that people seem to associate with having children in a wedding party. Sure, the ring bearer and/or flower girl are cute, all dressed up in their mini, formal, grown-up clothes but that is as far as it goes. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that said child hasn't wrought havoc in the ceremony after their two minutes of "aww, gosh" cuteness is up.

I'm sure everyone will have an example of how their kid was well behaved or how their wedding was enhanced by the presence of a precious little tyke, but I've yet to see it happen. Case in point was a lovely wedding I recently attended in Neepawa, Manitoba. The ring bearer (son of one of the bridesmaids) stomped around, talked loud and scuffed his shoes against the hardwood floor in the 19th century church. I was clenching my teeth through the ceremony, waiting for someone to take the little brat outside but it didn't happen. When I realized that nothing was going to be done, I tried to relax - no one else seemed phased by his behavior, why should I be? - but I just couldn't get there. How could this not be ruining their wedding?

Later at the reception I expected people to be talking about how much of a disturbance he'd been but the only mentions I heard of the little boys name were about how cute he looked pulling his wagon with the ring pillow inside. Whose wedding were they at?

Let's face it - weddings are not the most exciting things in the world, especially for a child. As an adult, your boredom is assuaged by your love for the parties involved or you can at least chuckle (quietly, please) to yourself at how bizarre the ceremony is (did she just say "obey"?) or how awful the bridesmaids' dresses are. None of that is available for a kid. We make them dress up in these goofy, uncomfortable clothes that they're not allowed to get dirty. They're bored and after a big pile of "oohs and aahs" no-one is paying attention to them anymore. Of course the kid is going to act up. If people insist on having kids in their wedding party, they should have a designated child wrangler who is in charge of scooting the child(ren) out of the ceremony area the second any inappropriate behavior takes place. The tykes can then be kept entertained while the rest of the service takes place then returned to play their "super cute" role at the end, if necessary. It could even, gods forbid, be turned into a learning experience where the kid learns about weddings and how they're a big, serious deal and why it's necessary to be quiet and respectful during a wedding.

I know I sound like some child-hating curmudgeon but the label is not entirely appropriate. I like kids. I think it is really important to expose them to experiences and that it can be really exciting to watch them learn new things. I emphatically disagree, though, that they should have free rein during a formal situation like a wedding. If no one is going to keep them in check, they should simply stay at home until they're old enough to know better.