Let her Cry

I totally need to toughen up. I let people's reactions to me affect me way to much. Just today, some asshole with a website I was dealing with sent me an email and was totally rude to me for no reason. His previous email was completely unclear and I followed the instructions the way that I interpreted them. His reply was so snarky and as I read it, my heart dropped into my stomach, I lost all colour in my face and it was all I could do not to cry.

Why the hell should I let this total jerk hurt my feelings enough to bring me to tears? (I also wonder why he is an asshole to colleagues, but I digress) So many people can have someone be rude to them and not react at all. They can laugh or get angry while I almost immediately burst into tears - then get really pissed off later, as I am right now.

It makes me extra mad that I react this way because I feel like such a baby. "Boo hoo! He was mean to me! Why would he be mean?" What am I - 12 years old?

Sometimes though email it only seems like someone is being nasty because you can't see their face or hear inflection in their voice. I've had misunderstandings over wording that sounded worse than it was with people - I've been on both ends of the spectrum of "are you mad at me or something?" Today's was sure not an example of that, though.

When I was writing for Wrestling.com I was contacted by a gentleman who didn't appreciate my new views on the wrestling industry. He felt that since I hadn't been watching since I was in the womb, I had absolutely nothing worth saying about it. For a nice change from much of the email I received from my articles, he was actually articulate in his rudeness and when I passed him over to my editor after several nasty messages, he went as far as to suggest I was retarded. Again, 12 years old? I couldn't believe it. I can laugh about it now, but at first he totally made me cry (not with the retarded comment, that was just too weird) and it pissed me off no end that he had that power over me. That I let him have that power over me. (My editor was unbelievably rude back to him in defence of me which made me feel good)

I don't know why I never developed a thicker skin. I went to public school which meant that I was treated like hell by all the other evil children - though I suppose that happens in private schools too - so... I went to school which meant that I was treated like hell by the other evil children. I was made to cry enough by nasty people that I should have developed the ability to let it roll of me. Nope, instead of deflecting I weep, which is pretty high up on the ass-sucking scale of responses.

I wonder if they offer self-defence classes for those of us who are emotionally wussy. Until I find one, I suppose I'll just be over here, rubbing sandpaper on my skin until I toughen it up a bit.