Shook me All Night Long

I don't know how many of you experienced the Seattle earthquake of last month, but we sure did here in Vancouver. I have been a total earthquake basket case ever since. I don't know why it scared me so badly. We've had mild earthquakes before and I thought they were pretty cool, but this one really freaked the crap out of me - figuratively, thank you very much.

For as long as I've lived in the Lower Mainland, there have been warnings about "the Big One" that is coming. Most of us don't think about it at all until we have a minor shake up then everyone goes and buys a few bottles of water and forgets until the next one. That is generally my MO as well but this past quake really shook me up - pun unintended but accurate.

I was at work, waiting for a patient (that no-showed) when I got the feeling that a big truck went by - everyone I spoke to that day had the same reaction - apparently big trucks are rampantly shaking buildings in the city. I quickly realized that it was going on for much longer than a truck and that pictures and lamps were rattling and swaying. I stepped into my doorway and looked to the reception desk to see them looking around and chatting with patients in the lobby about the fact that we were having an earthquake. I had been having a terrible day, thanks to transportation trouble and a few no-shows and I wondered to myself if this was the big one? Was this it? Was my last day on the planet going to be stuck in an office working a job I'm not sure I love, waiting for people who couldn't bother showing upfor their appointments, instead of with the people I love?

We stopped shaking soon enough and nothing had even fallen down. I phoned Theovis to find out how he'd weathered the shake on the 22nd floor and he said the entire building was swaying back and forth. I suppose that is better seismically than it being really stiff but I vowed at that moment not to ever live that high up. I think if I'd been home even on the 8th floor I'd have freaked out and insisted we move somewhere lower. Luckily for our living situation I wasn't. I was really freaked, though, my knees were wobbling and I was seriously tempted to go get a martini at lunch time to calm my nerves. I got through the work day without the alcohol and it did give me something to talk about with everyone but I haven't been the same since.

I have become a neurotic earthquake mess. I think it is almost daily that I experience some sort of shaking in a building and am convinced that we're having another earthquake and that this time, it might be the big one. I have trouble breathing, my heart is pounding, my legs start to tingle and my head starts to spin. I'm having a panic attack! What the hell is this all about?

Of course, in my overly closed manner, I keep this all inside and make sure no-one knows what my problem is except for a concentrated silence and draining of colour from my face. I suppose I should just keep a bottle of Bach's Rescue Remedy on hand and chill out but I really want to stop being so freaked out about the possibility of more quakes. We do live on a fault line and for the first time in my years in this city, I'm wondering if it is really where I want to live. The mountains look less majestic, the traffic and garbage look much worse, the exciting vibe seems less fun.

I suppose it caused me a big case of "Is this all there is?" I have been working at my chosen career for 4 and a half years and don't feel like we're much further financially than we were when I graduated. Like most cities, this one is extremely expensive and I feel like we're fighting such an uphill battle just so we might be able to fight bigger uphill battles down the road - i.e. saving money to eventually get a mortgage that will have us in debt for the rest of our lives. Is this all there is? I speak to people who travel the world and have all kinds of adventures - it's nothing to pop away somewhere for a weekend. We can't even do a day trip because we don't have a car. And, if we save up to get a car, we will then have to make all the huge payments of gas and insurance and repairs and etc. More uphill battles. Is this all there is?

The other option of a small town, much cheaper is not remotely appealing either. I'd be bored and miserable so quickly, especially having to cook for myself. What sounds so fantastic right now is the over-used cliché of a small house on a remote beach. Walking on the sand, sipping coffee out of a pottery mug and watching the waves roll in. Peace. No roaring traffic but a great take-out Thai place just a 15 minute drive away. Essentially, I want the best of both worlds. Does it exist? I doubt it but if anyone knows where I can find it, let me know, and please be sure it isn't close to any fault lines.