January 3, 2001
I Hate Driving
It's worth saying again - I hate driving. Driving is one of my least favorite activities; yet I want a car so badly it makes me rage sometimes. The idea of being able to get from A to B in a couple of easy steps is so appealing. The actual process of navigating a vehicle from A to B is not.
In my mind, withdrawn from the auto-owning process for over 4 years (when I smashed my Hyundai Pony into smithereens while turning left across from a mini-van and failing to see the oncoming car), the wonderful fantasy of having a car and driving places is simple and appealing. The me in my mind hops into a warm, dry vehicle and arrives quickly at my destination relaxed and content thanks to the lack of hassle. There are other cars on the road but we all move along smoothly and efficiently. The car is like a Teleporter with comfy seats and less molecular disassembly.
Now we pan over to reality...
I get into the car in the parking garage and fight with 3 electronic gates as I drive around and around to eventually arrive at the surface. I hurtle into traffic and immediately get stopped at a traffic light where 8 squeegee kids spawn out of nowhere. I repeatedly refuse to pay for a grubby squeegee to be smeared across the window and eventually get going. I then narrowly avoid being smashed by an angry, teen guy in a baseball cap peeling out of the McDonald's parking lot hopped up on hormones, angst and pesticide-laden, hydrogenated cottonseed oil. I then have to swerve to avoid the cabbie who's listening to the World Series on the radio and has forgotten that objects in his mirrors are closer than they appear (if he uses his mirrors at all). I eventually arrive at my destination, teeth clenched so tight that my jaw is almost permanently locked and I still have to park. Parking in any city is a nightmare, I'm sure Vancouver isn't too much different but we do have to pay for parking on the street here until 8PM including Sundays. I have to drive in circles for at least 15 minutes before I find a space, even if I'm willing to pay.
I haven't even mentioned breakdowns, gas, rain, snow, glare from the sun, burnt out lights etc. Do I still want a car? Hell Yeah!
Have all the automobile advertisements I've seen in my life broken down all the barriers of common sense and past experience of car ownership? They must have because although each company is selling their particular car, the ads are collectively selling the idea of freedom inherent in car ownership. They are offering the fantasy that jumping in a car = freedom and adventure. How many thousands of ads have we seen with people driving on the open road, nothing between them and adventure? They tell us that a car is a way to break free from the constraints of everyday life when that notion is complete bullshit to the average person. Most people's vehicles keep them within the constraints of their everyday life - sitting frustrated in traffic at 5PM on Christmas Eve - not cruising through the Badlands with no deadlines and no particular destination.
The kicker is that although I am intellectually aware of the fact that it is a total marketing scheme, I buy into the idea that with a car I'd be totally free to do anything I wanted. I could get out of the city, visit friends who don't live a convenient bus ride away, do road trips etc. anytime. That premise is total crap. I might be able to do those things sometimes but the constraints of my everyday life still need to fit in there. Would I get to do all kinds of road trips? No, because paying all that money a month for the damn car would make it that I had even less disposable income to do that sort of thing. Sure, the potential for freedom is there but the actual freedom promised by the marketing folks is not.
Do I still want a car? You'd better believe it! (Preferably a burgundy PT Cruiser - They're extremely sexy)
