Stop being so damn polite!

One of my great sources of angst is the polite person. I know, politeness is supposed to be a virtue, but far too many people take it to an extreme. Social courtesy is one thing, but nauseatingly obsequious performances (and I mean performances, because I don't think for a minute they're genuine) make me, well, nauseous. I don't need a huge production number if you need to ask me a favour or a question. Just ask me, damnit. If I can or want to do it for you, I will. If not, I won't.

A coworker of mine is a prime offender that can't ask for anything straight out. Everything is a five-minute saga. Oh... um... well... uh... do you... well... think it would be... uh... okay... well... if it's not... it's no big dead but... do you think... um... could you pass me the clinic stamp, if that's okay?" I nearly frenzy! Just ask me the fucking question! You aren't asking me for a kidney! Repeat after me, "Please pass me the stamp." (I pass the stamp) "Thank you." That was not hard!

Another pet peeve is when someone asks a favour preceded or followed by the phrase, "You don't have to." I know I don't have to. I am well aware of what I do and do not have to do. But thanks for trying to run my life for me. Despite posing as politeness, this tactic is manipulation pure and simple, meant to stir up feelings of guilt. Manipulation really pisses me off, especially coming from friends. My mum has the right to play the guilt card because she has proven herself worthy to bear that power. No one else has that honour.

I also hate the game you are supposed to play when someone offers you something. "Would you like a beer?" "Oh, no, I couldn't." "No, please, have a beer." "Really, I couldn't." "I've got lots of beer in the fridge." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I really want you to have this beer." "Okay then, thank you." Who does this benefit? Not the beer pusher and not the beer receiver. All this does is confuse things when you really don't want a beer (yeah, like that ever happens) but in an example not involving beer you have to go through that whole saga repeating "no" multiple times. I probably come across as a boor when I agree to things on the first offering and start snarling after being asked if I'm sure I don't want something I've already turned down three times. As well, it makes me extremely grumpy when I am expected to play the game as the offerer. I often withdraw the offer after the first time or say "Well, if you change your mind, they're in the fridge", so the person can get it themself if they were just playing at polite (okay, I only say this if whatever I'm offering is actually in the fridge. It would be fun, though, to offer someone a lift somewhere and if they refuse, reply with "Well, they're in the fridge if you change your mind"). A person who really wants it will usually let me know at that point and we can all get on with our lives.

As a reaction to all this overdone politeness, I have really swung the other direction. I have become very direct when I want something from someone. Especially if it is something exceptionally minor. It is just such a waste of time to go through all the steps to make it seem like I don't really want something. They know I do. I know I do. Even if I were to cushion my request in a lengthy diatribe, the other person would still know that I wanted something. So why the pretense? I'm sure Miss Manners would be horrified to hear about my reluctance to jump through social hoops, but I'm sure she'd be horrified by so many other things I do that this wouldn't surprise her too much (also, I think she just might be dead). Oops, there I go again. My bad.