Ah, Christmas cards. I spent some of my morning then much of my evening writing Christmas cards. I enjoy sending them to a certain degree because I really like to make sure I keep in contact with people, even those I don't talk to that often, at least once that year. But, as like so many people, my list of card receivers gets larger and larger each year. I feel like I've given myself a repetitive strain disorder writing so much today.

It is kind of amusing how non-denominational one needs to make Christmas cards these days(although I still think of them as Christmas cards). I think it is important to respect people's beliefs but it is sometimes a strain making no mention of Christmas in a Christmas card. I suppose I should start thinking of them as holiday greeting cards. How come the euphemisms can never be shorter than the "less correct" form?

In other news, I had my Christmas season choir concert last Friday night. I sing in a choir at Vancouver Community College and the performance went off quite well. Several of the pieces we were doing weren't as nice as previous years and that was reflected in the performance but they were really challenging and we still managed to pull them off. We're going to be doing the Mozart Grand Mass in C Minor next spring and I am really looking forward to it. I often don't join the choir in the spring because I tend to find January to April to be a really tough time of year for me but I'm willing to slog through it to perform this piece.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - See this movie!

I've managed to keep up with the running class Xtina and I joined earlier in the fall. I ran 2 sets of 10 minutes yesterday and I'm really proud. I've never had any stamina when it comes to running so it is a big deal to me to be able to do it. I even ran faster yesterday than I usually do. I was extremely beat by the end of it but pleased at my progress. I hope I'm able to keep myself motivated to keep it up as the year progresses into the next.

Groceries delivered to the door. Can you get better than that? I don't think so.

We tried out ordering from Stongs (a local grocery store) online yesterday and today 3 boxes of groceries arrived well within their estimated delivery time, with a little "thank you" bunch of flowers. Awww. I'm pretty impressed. It took us forever to make up our "quick list" but only about 2 minutes to actually order everything we wanted. Now that we've got the list stored it should take no time to order typical groceries.

The produce looked good and nothing was too smushed. The frozen OJ was still mostly frozen and nothing had leaked on anything else. Probably the biggest drawback is getting the cardboard boxes down to the recycling room since we seem to wait until it is absolutely necessary before we make treks down to dispose of garbage and recycling. I suppose it gives Sephie something else to play on, though...

The $10 delivery fee will make it so that I make sure I'm ordering lots when I use the service and still go to the store for small things but this is a good service! I can order all the heavy stuff I normally have to haul on the skytrain (no car) and make someone else carry it. Yay!

Well, there's been good and bad days over the past week. PMS hormones have made it a little difficult to keep my iron will under control and I did some serious weeping the other night. I don't think I've cried that much since he died so I suppose it's beginning to settle in. My dad is gone.

I went to see Peter Murphy last night with a Xtina. He was a good performer but I realized that melancholy music mixed with mourning (and a liberal dose of alcohol) is a combustible combination. I managed to hold things at bay for about an hour but eventully started sobbing onto Xtina's shoulder. I was mortified and rushed quickly to the loo to clean up. We left right after. I am really not comfortable with expressing emotions in public like that. I suppose I shouldn't be so uptight about it because I'm sure it won't be the last time I get overwhelmed unexpectedly but I'd just prefer these things to be a little more controlled.

I'm working on getting through each day at a time while I work through the grieving process. In general I've been feeling pretty good, keeping busy and working hard. As I said in the latest rant, it's the little things that make it really tough to accept the loss of Dad. The holidays coming up are going to be tough but I am trying to keep myself up and am preparing to enjoy Christmas as much as possible despite the glaring hole in the festivities.

I'm keeping busy these days doing several jobs at once. My new clinic is still working out. This beautiful weather makes it an even better view of the mountains that I have out my window. It also makes biking to work pleasant. I really hope I can keep up the motivation to cycle when the rain sets in.

I'm sure glad I took on all the extra work considering Theovis' work situation. I know he's going to find something in no time, but it adds extra security knowing I have an additional source of income. Despite the bummer aspect of the layoff, it's been really nice having him around more. It's kind of sappy but the more time I spend iwth him, the more I like spending time with him. (Awwwww) Despite the close quarters, I'm not sick of having him around.

What we do need to do is a super overhaul of our bedroom/office so make room for both of us to work (Yay! Overhaul! And it isn't even spring...). We've got to clean junk out of closets so we can use them more efficiently and make more space for another desk/workstation. This is something that really needs to be done and it surprisingly comes at a time when everything is coming down to the crunch for one of my jobs. Procrastinate? Me? Never!

Today was my last day in my old clinic. It is pretty bizarre to be finished. I've been building up to leaving since June but now that it is finally happening, I almost can't believe it. I spent the day looking around my beautiful, big room for almost the last time. I'd thought about taking most of my gear down tonight before I headed home (since I'm going back to move stuff tomorrow) but I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. I figured I'd like to check it out one last time tomorrow before I take it all apart.

A bunch of us from the office went out today for a farewell lunch, which was nice. I think that's when the fact that this is actually happening really hit me. There are people in the clinic who I'm really fond of and am really going to miss. Of course, there's others who I will be happy to not have to see anymore. I don't think I realized how much the people make the work place until this afternoon. I'm sure I'll make friends at the new place but I just can't imagine being as close to them as I've been to these people. Of course, I've had years to make these friendships and I can't expect the others to appear overnight, but I think I'm going to be lonely for a while at the new clinic. I suppose I will be too busy settling in at first to really notice, and by then, hopefully I'll be more comfortable.

I'm surprising myself as I write this how upset I seem to be about the people I'll be leaving behind. I guess it is so scary to be doing something new, but I'm a little afraid that this place will be like the second clinic I worked in a few years ago, where I never did really bond with anyone. Sure, we chatted during the day, but they weren't the kind of relationships that even involved us grabbing a coffee together. I am also really shy, when it comes right down to it. I know that comes as a surprise to many of you, but I am terrible at meeting new people and making new friends until I feel comfortable. Theovis is totally my idol when it comes to making friends because it never even seems to occur to him that someone might not want to hang out with him. I, on the other hand, assume that everyone figures I'm a total dork and wouldn't possibly want to hang out with me so I frequently don't even try. I know, it is totally counter-productive and I'm trying to be better about it, but the little, insecure voice sometimes gets the upper hand. Sigh.

On the brighter side, I am going to be thrilled to not have to pack on to the skytrain like a little sardine every day to get to Kitsilano. The new clinic is so much closer to home, and I look forward to the short trip there and back. On my bike it should only be about 10 minutes (perfect timing for me to be riding again now the weather is cooling off and the rain will be starting. alas...) and on foot only about 20. I can take the bus too, depending on how lazy I feel, but considering the size of my butt these days, I really need to get back into a regular exercise regime, and even the short trip will be benefitial.

Other than all that, I'm busy as anything doing all kinds of different work at home on the computer. Also, my brother is going to be in town over the long weekend and I'm very excited to be seeing him. It's been a year since his last visit, so I'm really looking forward to spending time together. As well, the Molson Indy Vancouver is going on this weekend too, far too close to my house. I think I will have to make use of the complimentary ear plugs the promoters kindly provided to get any work done. Either that or I'll just take the rest of the week off (just kidding, Bonnie!).

I have been totally lax about putting up Vertigogirl updates and rants and I feel really bad about it. My personal and professional life just kind of exploded over the summer and I haven't had any time to do anything much for me. I decided to take today as a mental health day, so here I am sitting in front of the computer after walking around the city for several hours running errands. Do I know how to unwind or what?

I have found a new clinic to work at and am in the process of getting things ready for that. It is closer to home and they all seem pretty nice. The room is much smaller than what I'm used to, though I did have the biggest room ever at my old place. I think it will be okay though, as long as I don't try to put too much in there. They cleaned it all up for me and it looks nice.

I've been running around getting new business cards made up and getting supplies to let everyone know where I'm going to be. I'm hoping it will be a good change. If not, at least it across the street from a liquor store and I can drown my sorrows. :P

Other than that I've been working like crazy doing other stuff on the computer. Theovis was hoping for some extra wrestling articles but I've had so much on my plate that I haven't been able to pull it off. Hopefully once I settle in to the new place and get all the break-in stuff resolved I can do more for him. Hopefully.

My horoscope today said "Try to think of the problems in your life as a puzzle. Solve them using wit, guile and perseverance. Don't let the little things overwhelm you, even if they are numerous." It made me laugh because despite their incredible vagueness, this advice is actually pretty damn applicable lately.

My ankle is significantly better, for those of you who are interested. Still going to physio but the pain and swelling have decreased a whole bunch and I can almost walk like a normal person (I tried some slight heels last night, though, which was less than successful. It was very difficult to walk and I came home with a swollen ankle for my vanity. Alas...)

I went and toured a clinic today in Yaletown. They have pilates (puh-la-tees), massage therapy, yoga and a naturopath. Very different atmosphere than what I've been working in, but it was interesting.

Great things: excellent location, funky brick building, different atmostphere, a chance for me to take pilates because I've been to lazy to start up on my own, multidisciplinary clinic, steam room, air conditioning(!), lower rent.

Not so great things: small rooms (well, any room will be small compared to the enormous one I've been using), rooms don't have outside windows, small charting area, no personalization of rooms by the therapists because they whichever one is free, slightly scary staircase going into the building, not super area for parking, they want someone sooner than September which I can't do under my current contract. If Mr. Smug does go through with the sale, though, I am not obligated under that contract anymore so I can pretty much do what I want.

So, I don't know. I have to weigh the good against the bad and figure out what I'm going to do. I have a real habit of jumping into things immediately without checking around first so I should probably call up a few of the other clinics listed on the job roster. Sigh.

It looks like the deal for the clinic sale may not go through now. The buyer has gotten antsy since he's realized that Mr. Smug wasn't up front about a few things and outright lied about a few others. Paul (buyer) called Mr. Smug today and told him the deal is off. He's probably just playing hard ball to get a lower price since there are obvious problems with the clinic and since he's going to have no staff left to pay his rent. I hope it cost Mr. Smug a few nights lost sleep, anyway. Bitter much? Yep!

I fell down on Friday while power-walking to work and sprained my right ankle. So much for exercise being good for you. I'm pretty crabby about the whole thing. I haven't been able to work all week, and it will be several more days before it is possible. Most people think "Yay! A few days off!" but unfortunately since I am self-employed, no work = no money. And since I pay a flat rate on rent at the clinic regardless of whether I work those days, no work = lose money. Alas...

Aside from the pain, my ankle looks pretty cool. It is very technicolour right now. I thought about posting a picture of it, but then thought, "ew!" It probably isn't nearly as interesting to anyone else as it is to me. I have never had a sprain this bad before. Throughout my childhood I was forever giving myself mild sprains. I have always been a bit of a clutz. Never have I done it as spectacularly as I did this time, though. From execution (stepping off a curb I didn't know was there to land lying in the street) to puffy, bruised appearance, I went all out this time. The physio says it is a 2nd degree sprain (which is what I'd assessed for myself by reviewing textbooks) which means that I did some tearing of the ligaments. I guess I also strained it because he thinks that I tore some of the muscles on the side of my leg that cross over the ankle as well.

It is probably as good a time as ever for it to happen, though, because it will give me time to really think about what I am going to do for the fall as far as work is concerned. I have been fed up with the clinic for a long time but too scared to do something about it. Last year with the stupid renovations I probably should have made the jump. This year I am a lot more ready for the change. I feel like such a whiner because I want something else but I don't want someone else forcing me into a change I'm not ready for. I guess one doesn't often feel totally ready for these life changes. Hell, it is only a change of clinic. It's not like buying a house or having a baby. Still, as much as I constantly strive for it, change is scary. Especially when it comes to work.

Besides, if I quit whining, what the heck will I talk about in my journal? ;)

I don't have any more information about what is going on at the clinic, but I think I've calmed down a little about it. Have I mentioned how much I hate Mr. Smug?

I finally got to go out on Saturday night and celebrate my birthday. Theovis and I went to Capones and had a fairly middling meal. The parts that were good were fantastic, and the parts that weren't were pretty lousy. We had a beautifully exotic waitress who pretty much stank up the place with her lack of attention and getting orders mixed up. Admittedly it was a little noisy in the restaurant but that wasn't enough to explain all the screw ups. We ate ourselves silly then waddled home. I kind of wanted to go out after, dancing or socializing but we were way too full to do either. We did go home and listen to music for a few hours and I did a small amount of half-hearted dancing but my full belly certainly got in the way. I was actually sloshing from all the drinks. Eww.

An anonymous person phoned the clinic today suggesting that Mr. Smug (the owner) had sold the place and moved to Ontario (where he told us he was vacationing for the next month). A quick check of his home phone led to a "not in service" message. He had also moved his massage table, his books and diplomas out of the room we share. I figured it was just because there is now a Chinese Medecine Doctor using the room too. I really hope I have a place to go to work to on Friday.

I'd thought of going back to the clinic tonight to collect all my belongings, but I was so thrown by the news and in my hurry to get to ballet class that I managed to leave my keys locked in the clinic. :(

After I rode my bike home from class, I decided that I needed to drown my sorrows in drink, but the drinking partner I chose said he'd call me back after supper but never did. I guess I got his answer. I also poured a shot of tequila to make myself a tequila and OJ (yummy!) but someone had already finished to OJ and I had to do a shot of tequila on its own before dinner.

P.S. I should have known to brace myself when my day started with me smashing the glass jar of peanut butter on the kitchen floor as I tried to quickly make a sandwich before flying out the door. Some days I think it is better to stay in bed.

I'm spending the day in bed today. It's great! I only got up to get food/beverages and to pee (and do this update) I'm surrounded by magazines, notebook and pen, the phone, my drawing book and two cats. I've had a rough couple of days, affect wise, and since it is my birthday tomorrow and I will be very busy working this weekend, I figured I'd hang our in bed as a birthday reward. I'm not doing laundry or other household chores. I'm not running around doing things for others. I'm just taking some time for me.

This rocks! I think I'll have a nap.

Theovis and I just got back from an excellent weekend trip to Seattle, WA where we visited Nikchick, Punk and 4 year-old mini-Kate. We hung out, shopped and ate - if you are in Seattle and like Japanese food you must go to Dragonfish! We haven't had a vacation for the two of us in about 3 years, so it was long overdue.

Highlights: Playing BattleTek (giant robots game where you are in a pod with a video screen trying to shoot the other players' giant robots. I stunk up the place) at the Wizards of the Coast entertainment complex; playing Rampage! (video game) at several arcades with my sweetie and not stinking up the place; lunch at the above mentioned Dragonfish restaurant; wandering around aimlessly exploring Seattle, the easy border crossings - 10 minutes each way with no hassles; the crazy parking meter thingy that you had to fold up dollar bills and jam in there with your key.

Lowlights: Taco Time lunch on the way there (what is the deal with US Taco Times? Here in Vancouver it is one of our favorite cheap yet not that appalling fast food); the things that cost the same as they do here but in US dollars; Dalmutis restaurant at the WOTC complex - gaming geeks should not be in the service sector. (Insert nasal, officious, geeky voice here) "Um, your chair at the end of the table is a fire hazard." (we look around at the completely empty restaurant) "Could you please sit in the booth?" So Punk had to cram in with the other 4 of us to prevent any of the non-existent fleeing hoards being tripped up as they exit the restaurant in case of a fire. Thanks, safety boy!; the Hurricane Cafe, recommended by Gendai where we had to eat standing up because it was so busy sucking our asses (thank you Sars for that expression) - wow, indifferent service and bad food, it's a concept restaurant; missing the turn-off for the duty free store on the way back into Canada so I couldn't get my big bottle of Kahlua.

We also forgot to go to FAO Schwartz (big toy store) but it is probably for the best or we would have come home with a trunk full of Lego, Star Wars and wrestling figures. My already cluttered house is thankful.